Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
The day has come where I’ve been given a good question and one that I’m kind of afraid to answer.
While I sometimes think about the future, I live in the past. I relive past events that haunt me, and that’s something that’s not healthy at all. There is one time in particular that I carried with me for years.
Growing up all I wanted to do was play rugby league, I didn’t have any other career aspirations, I knew that playing professionally was what I wanted to do.
In 2002 I had three goals, make the under 18s Riverina representative side, Make the Catholic Schoolboys Country side, and play first grade again. I only achieved one of those goals.
As much as I wanted to make the Riverine side, I knew the selectors (scouts if you’re American) liked certain players over me. I never understood because I knew I was better than those players that were ahead of me, the problem was those players performed when they didn’t choke like I did.
So I didn’t make the Riverina side, so my sights were firmly set on the the trials for the country school side, which were being held in Wollongong. The year before I had I played terribly and got my nose broken, and I was keen make up for that.
I stupidly decided to play for my local side before the trials. We were playing what I thought was an easy side, and I wanted to score more than one try. I decided to take a run, and in the process I got a corked thigh. I knew I was in trouble straight away.
After the game and on the drive to Wollongong I did everything I could to get my leg fixed for the game. When I went to bed the night before the I even prayed for the leg to be better when I woke up, it didn’t work.
So I tried to play, and it didn’t go well at all. I didn’t make the country team and I was devastated. It took me years to get over it, and something that should have spurred me on to be better, but it just made upset with the world.
That is just one of the many times I have thought about the past and how I let it affect my present. I am writing a book about the other times so stay tuned for that.
